HOW TO KNOW GOD’S WILL IN MARRIAGE AND GETTING THE IDEAL PARTNER OF YOUR DREAM.
Gen 2:18, 2:21 – 24, Gen 24:7
Each person thinking about marriage should understand that marriage is for mature adults. It is not meant for childish men and women who cannot with stand challenges, embrace correction and make concrete decision. There is need to develop a mature life of discipline, temper, self-denial, industrious and selflessness before going into marriage. Emphasis must not be laid on age and physical appearance only.
At the beginning of the marriage institution, God brought the woman to man (Gen 2:21) He also sent His angel before Abraham’s servant to take a wife unto Isaac (Gen 24:7). The selection of a life-partner occupies a pivotal place in the heart of every man and woman in the same vein, God is interested in guiding and leading His own in this important decision. We must look up to God as the only perfect that can lead, guide and choose a befitting mate or life partner for the unmarried.
For proper understanding, we shall consider three sub-headings.
1. Hindrance to knowing God’s Will and intimidation into marriage
2. Wrong methods of choosing life partner
3. Steps to knowing God’s Will and understanding Spiritual guidance
POINT ONEHINDRANCE TO KNOWING GOD’S WILL AND INTIMIDATION INTO MARRIAGE -Rom. 8:4, Ephe. 4:18, Isa. 42:16.
Sin is one of the greatest hindrances to knowing God’s will. A lady in her unsaved state is ignorant and not capable of knowing God’s will for her future and in marriage. She is build and ignorant of the future and consequences of today’s action and choices.
Self management: The believer is insufficient in herself as confirmed by the scripture. God’s thoughts are higher than ours. The case of Samuel choosing Eliab before God said no-(1 Sam. 16:6 –7). Children of God can make serious, painful, heart breaking mistakes if they are left to themselves to decide and make choices in life. But God has promised to help us. If we turn away from God we would definitely hear the strangers choice (John 10: 5).
There are many methods that most men outside and inside the church, often use to force women into marriage. Outside the church, intimidation takes the form of threat of termination of ones employment and denial of promotions by the boss, deliberates fail in one’s subject or course by teachers or lecturers, withdraw of favourable business deals, withdrawal of school fees or up keep allowance by parents, denial of accommodation and the likes.
With the church, men intimidate women by using their position in the world. David marriage to Bathsheba; the wife of Uriah and the attempt made by Abimelech to make Sarah his wife are glaring examples. (2 Sam. 11:1-5, Gen. 20:2).
Giving false prophecy: It is disheartening, how some Christian men say “ Thus saith the Lord God, when the Lord hath not spoken -Eze 22:28. Jere 14:14. Such men specialise in hurrying or urging Sister without giving them sufficient time to pray. Sister must realize that “he that hasted with his feet smineth”-Prov.19: 2.
Presenting false fascinating testimonies of God’s leading without substantial spiritual backing sending gifts -Ex. 23:8. Threatening to backslide except the sister accepts their proposal -2 Sam 13:2-6. Some sister intimidate men through ungodly closeness, lack of intimate relationship with God, an uncontrolled tongue, a general life of indiscipline like the case of Dinah the daughters of the land and was later defiled by the prince of the country -Gen 34: 1, 2. Some ladies move in to live with a man, who did not pay the bride price nor take them to altar.-Heb 13:4 some sinners visit herbalist to win their lover, the charm will fade.
Marriage borne out of intimidation has evil effects, like the guilt of wrong yoke in marriage hatred lack of love, fighting, unhappiness and an unfulfilled marital life, lack of confidence in God in time of marital crisis, divorce lack of fellowship with God and backsliding. You can either endure or enjoy your marriage. If you depend on God, and remain faithful and obedient, God is able to provide the life partner that you will enjoy all the days of your life.
POINT TWOWRONG METHOD’S OF CHOOSING THE LIFE PARTNER
The choice of many today is initialed by the dazzling and tempting world. Believers are admonished to the wrong methods.
Walking By Sight And Not By Faith: people offering after beauty, possession, position achievement wealth, social and religions status when making their choices. But these are vain without the fear of God- Pro 31:30.
Recommendation by friends or Relations: We must depend on God not in any man to decide such important issue -(Ps 118:8-9).
Accepting Man By Faith Without Definite Clear Conviction: the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. It is God alone who wants and searches men’s heart -Jere 7:9, 10
Having in the heart: This has the tendency of estranging one from God. And there will be no clear guidance from Him -Exo 4:4 5.
Relying on Dreams Alone Without Any Other Confirmation: Dream most often come as a result of though during the day. Seeing a man in the dream does not mean he is God’s choice for you. Check up if God has been leading you though dreams.
Prophecy or dreams or testimonies for other people: These should not be rely upon because marriage is personal, God must speak to you as an individual.
Covetousness And Self Will: As found in Balaam who rejected the known will of God and still continue to seek God’s face -Num 22: 12 –14, 17, 19 –22.
Putting out these like Gideon and applying worldly methods to get into a man’s heart.
POINT THREE THE STEPS TO KNOWING GOD’S WILL AND UNDERSTANDING SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE -LUKE 14 :28.
There is need to dig deep and lay a strong foundation if you are going to build a solid house. You will need to prepare before you build. Beware of pressures either from yourself or others. Remember that God’s purpose in marriage will not hinder or contradict his previously revealed plan for your life.
Now, to know the will of God, these seven steps are necessary:-
1. Obey the already revealed will of God for your life. Compliance with the previously revealed will of God make Him reveal further plans for your life -(Luk. 10:1-2, 17-20).
2. Pray in faith and be constantly open to God. There are people who feel that God can only talk to them about marriage when they are praying about it. This is not always the case, for God cannot be stereo-typed or confined. He can speak to you anywhere and at anytime. (Act 10:9-23). (Love) Sol. 8:6.
3. Learn to be neutral: This may be difficult to do, probably because from childhood, your life has been molded to think in a particular direction. Maybe you have been told never to marry outside of your village or tribe or perhaps your dream of an ideal partner has been built around some physical traits (slimness, tallness, smartness, wealth etc). But you need to be neutral so that you can perceive and receive the will of God without any idol in your heart (Eze. 14:3-4).
4. Get rid of worldly attitude:- Desist from looking for physical things. Rather, look out from something that God Himself will appreciate and recommend. Look through the eyes of the spirit. (Proverbs 31:30).
5. Do not agree to marry someone you do not love:- Do not marry on the basis somebody else’s dream, vision or prophesy. Make up your mind according to the leading of God. Do not let others choose for you.
6. Always insist on being spiritually compatible:- Do not focus on intellectual and physical compatibility to the neglect of spiritual virtues. Though your level of spiritual understating and walk with God may differ, you will at least share the same spiritual aspiration. (Amos 3:3).
7. Keep preparing and growing:- While waiting for the revelation of God’s will, do not decrease or remain stagnant in spiritual things.
PERCEPTION OF SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE
There are people who have had the revelation of God’s will in marriage, but they lack understanding. Like Samuel, these people hear but do not recognizes the distinct voice of the Lord. (1Samuel 12:4-5). Here, Samuel misjudged the voice of God for that of Eli. And perhaps as God speaks you, you mistake His voice for that of your mind or the devil.
How then does one perceive God’s leading in marriage?
1. By inner witness of the Spirit – 1Sam 16:1
2. By the restraint of the Spirit – Acts 16:6 - 7
3. By revelation and Bible-based dreams – Acts 16:9-10. 13
4. By divinely-arranged circumstance – 1Sam 9:16-20
5. By divine or sudden insight through the Word of God – Psalm 119:105, 103
6. By peaceful, reassuring voice in the midst of fear and confession – 1Sam 30:18-21
7. By special, abiding love through the Holy Spirit – Songs of Solomon 8:6-7
8. By Spirit – guided counseling and confirmation Luke 1:34-47.
For the purpose of clarity and proper guidance, you need the help of spirit-led counselors and leaders. They are not to dictate to you or choose whom you should marry. But he or she will be able to interpret, throw more light on the leading and impression that God gives to you. Shalom!